May 8, 2008

Here's my heart....

I love Ps 32: Blessed are he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit. When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Selah Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD" and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found; surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him. You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.
The Lord of heaven does not count my sin against me!!!! The Lord of heaven does not count my husband's sin against him! The Lord of heaven does not count my daughters sins against them!!! Hallelujah!!!
Before you remind me, I know there is a condition: repentance!!! But I still love the positive attitude of David in this psalm! The God of the universe, big enough to make this vast universe, loves me and cares enough to forgive my sins!!!!!!!!!
Do you realize that David broke every one of the ten commandments in one way or another? Yet David was called a man after God's own heart - because David was willing to repent and turn from his sin!!!
As we have walked through a trial with "Bunny", I have thought alot about previous parents of teenagers. For years, we have only heard how hard teens are and how horrible they can be and I knew this was not the attitude I wanted to have with my precious daughters. Looking from this side of the equation, I can see how I could say her attitudes and actions of late have hurt me, but honestly, I am only hurt because she was hurting so badly! I hated to see her fold into herself, to a place I could not reach - even to hold her hand. I know one of those parentisms we hear so often goes something like this: When you have teenagers, I hope they do the same thing to you that you are doing to me! OH PULEEZE!!! Have you seen lately just how life treats our teenagers??? They are not reacting to hurt us, they are reacting to the hurt that they feel so deeply! As parents, we get caught in the crossfire and that is where God meets us!
I still jump when the phone rings; is it the school, what happened now? I now know the hurt of hearing from a stranger to me that my child is hurting....when I had no clue!
I told Bunny last week that I hope and pray that her life will be better because of this struggle. I don't desire for her teens in the future to repay her...I desire for them to be better because of her struggle. I have re-learned a bit of just how much sin can be covered by a multitude of love! I have re-learned to let go and let God!

I pray that I will learn to love the way I heard a devo explain it earlier this week: Love = life lived for another's benefit!

Praise God from whom all blessings flow....

God's girl, Pamela