May 23, 2010

Tears...A Guest Post

Through much prayer, I have decided today to let a friend of mine share her story with you, my dear blog reader. I hope that you will be touched! I also pray that if your story is similar, that you will please reach out...leave me a comment so we can be praying for you, find real life friends that will hold you up, both spiritually and emotionally, dig deep into the Word of God because He truly does have all the answers.

With no further ado....

The Tears of an Addict's Wife

How many times have I sat before God, crying once again because of my husband's addiction?

Since I've known about his secret life for more than half of our marriage, I would say that I have cried countless hours for me, my marriage, my children, but more often than not, for HIM!!!

Some time into this journey, the Lord revealed something precious to me, something so wonderful - MY TEARS ARE GOOD! After all, David says in Psalm 56:8 that God puts our tears in a bottle and keeps record of them in his book.
( Ps 56:8 You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book? )

Now, I wonder if God has different bottles for me:
A bottle for tears cried in emotional overload as I married this wonderful man. The tears I have shed seeing him return home from a military mission. And the tears I cry as I snuggle deeper into his arms in the middle of the night, knowing he truly loves me.

A seperate bottle for the tears shed in sadness as I board a plane alone, leaving home for the first time. The tears that I cry when I am alone even now and miss being with my Mom and Dad, who live several hundred miles away.

A whole different bottle for tears of indignation at the sight of terrorism, both here and abroad, knowing that innocent lives have simply been taken by hate. Tears that fall when I truly consider those less fortunate than myself.

And yet another bottle just for the tears I cry for my husband and myself when his addiction is out of control. As you can see, I cry alot!

If God does keep them all in one bottle, just how big is mine?

The most wonderful thing, though, is what these tears accomplish; they cleanse my spirit as I come once again before the Lord and allow Him to smooth the hurt place in my life - truly broken and spilled out before Him. These tears give me strength to keep walking on the path God has for me. Most importantly, these tears show me and God just how much I still care for the man whose life I share.

Psalm 56:9 When I cry out to You, Then my enemies will turn back; This I know, because God is for me.

I suppose that knowing all this, it really is okay to cry for my sweet husband. And I'll do so, as long as this battle is waged, for I know in the end, my God WILL win! LV


Praise God from whom all blessings flow....

God's girl,

Pamela

May 15, 2010

Alone....Really Alone

Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. Ecclesiastes 4:9

I am a middle child, have been since I was 7. I am a wife, have been for over 21 years. I am a Mom, have been for nearly 20 years...YIKES! I love the fact that those are pieces of my life! But how would I know ANYTHING about being alone?

That's just it, though. I am very rarely, truly ALONE! I don't sympathize well with people that are alone, I have zero empathy for them. And some of the closest people in my life know what it is to be alone. When my girls were small, I would dream of what it would be like to be alone, especially when My Dear was in the field!

On the rare occasion that I am alone now, I have so many things that I can do that I struggle with knowing where to start! I usually spend the first hour just sitting, enjoying the stillness - that is if the dogs are settled! So see, even if I am alone, I still have the dogs!

However, the other day, I had a very rare glimpse into being and feeling alone!

I am in an awesome Bible study group at church, and a few of the ladies have started walking at a nearby trail. One morning, I had an opportunity to join up with one of the ladies and walk the trail with her. Now, I like to walk around my neighborhood but the most I can ever seem to go, even with the dog, is about 1 1/2 miles....not really all that far! Well that day, walking with another adult, a friend at that, we walked nearly 3 miles and it seemed to pass quickly and I wasn't even sore the next morning!

I was able to walk 3 miles because I was with a friend, and not alone! I had a really good return for my labor!!!

The next time I could walk was a few days later, and timing transpired that I was unable to meet my friends at the trail. I chose to walk around the neighborhood and push Bambina in her stroller.

And I felt so alone!

It was difficult to even go 3/4 of a mile basically by myself! Every little thing seemed to annoy me...the sun was hot, the wind was hot...and blowing my hair into my face and eyes, the uneven sidewalk was even bugging me - and it has always been uneven!

I came home that day with a new perspective...I seem to be having a lot of those, lately! It really is easier to complete a task with a friend. God made us relational...we need our family and friends because of that. However, when I felt truly alone, God was with me. He has promised, even made a covenant with me, to not leave me alone! Hebrews 13:5 For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

If you are alone, or feel lonely, please know that God is with you. Also, please don't be afraid to let someone know...ask for prayer, invite someone over for dinner or even ask a friend to walk with you. I know that is a temporary 'fix' but maybe someone you know needs a change of perspective - trust in God that He will lead you to the right person. Get a good return for your labor!

Praise God from whom all blessings flow....

God's girl,

Pamela