December 11, 2011

Marriage and Death

Weird title, huh?  What does marriage have to do with death?  Well, we are close to celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary and I would have to say that our marriage has "died" at least twice.  Two times, our love was tested beyond what we thought we could do.  Once was through a time of extremely deep depression.  What we thought was love for one another died.

Okay....follow me here.....I'm sure we've heard the excuse that a couple's love for one another died and that is why they are now divorced.  Before my own marriage fell apart, I thought those people were just NUTS!!!  How does love just up and die???

Of course, now I understand that concept - the romantic, butterflies floating, heart palpitating "love" does eventually stop.  And when that happens, a part of our "love" does die.  From what I have seen in our own marriage, and marriages of friends and family, there is usually a traumatic event that brings this about.  That event may be the revelation of a secret; abusive behavior, an affair, a hidden addiction.  The event may be a physical death - a child, a parent, or perhaps a sibling.  The traumatic event could be the birth of a handicapped child, or a severe injury to themselves or another family member.

In some marriages, there may be more than one of these traumatic events, and spouses can become weary and throw in the towel. 

The main point is this.....in every marriage, there usually does come a point of death.

The most common death of a marriage is emotional.  For me, it was letting go of my dream of an "ideal" marriage - whatever that is!!!  For my parents, it was the desire for healthy children. 

What was your point of death in your marriage?  That point where you had a choice to make - stay together or give up on the marriage. 

Before I go any further, I have to say no matter what the choice, there is grace!!! God's grace covers our decisions when we choose to follow Him.  I am not judging any one's decision.....it is a very personal decision and should never be made lightly!

Are you in a traumatic season right now?  Do you have a choice to make?

Can I encourage you to communicate with your spouse about what you are feeling?  If you aren't sure where to begin, ask someone that you can trust.  Sometimes, it helps us just to talk with a friend.

 If we can hang in there together through difficult periods, though, a true, deeper love is born and forged by fire between a husband and wife.  That is true love.....sacrificial love.....Godly love.

Does this mean there is no "happily ever after"?  I don't think so, just "happily ever after" has to be worked for some times.....parts of our life or dreams have to be sacrificed.  However, when we make that sacrifice, what we find on the other side is a very deep love that gets harder and harder to break with the traumatic events of life.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow......like love that lasts

God's girl,

Pamela